The Choice Is Yours!

The Gemara in Berachos (8a) states that they would ask the Chosson, is your wife a “Matza Isha Matza Tov, you found a wife and found goodness”, or is she a “Motzey Ani Mar Mimaves Es HaIsha, I have found more miserable than death, the woman!”

The famous question on this is why and how did they have the nerve to ask this to the Chosson and what does it accomplish?

My Rebbe, Rav Asher Rubenstein shlita explains a beautiful concept here. Whether or not you succeed in marriage is solely in your hands! If one comes into the marriage focusing only on himself, he will fail. If one strives to love, appreciate and care for his wife, he will find true happiness. The choice of which path to pursue is up to you.

These are the two options placed before the Chosson. Will you be a “Matza Isha” focused on her. In that case, you will “find goodness”! Or will you be a “Motzey Ani” focused on Ani, selfishness. In that case you will be “Mar mimaves”, miserable.

Every couple can choose to focus on caring for the others’ needs and find true happiness, success and fulfillment! This is the message and blessing of Chazal!