Torah Chupa and Maasim Tovim

Chazal (Shabbos 137b) tell us that we give the child a blessing that he should grow to Torah, marriage and good actions. The question is that this seems out of order. It is understandable that chronologically one learns Torah first and then gets married, however, why are good actions mentioned last?! This is a famous question asked by many including the Chasam Sofer.

A Wife

The Beis Yosef (265) explains that certainly one can perform good actions from a young age even before learning Torah or getting married. This phrase expresses the fact that after a man marries he is protected by his wife and has the ability to do the greatest maasim tovim. For example, he is able to be a partner with Hashem and his wife in bringing children into this world to fulfil the first mitzva of pru urivu, to be fruitful and multiply. This is one of the greatest acts of kindness attainable by a person.

Children

The Ksav Sofer answers that when a person gets married he wants to bring a beautiful family into this world. He wants to have children that will be true servants of Hashem who will have learn Torah, perform mitzvos and do chessed. The way to accomplish this is for one to be a sincere Oved Hashem himself. When children watch their parents doing mitzvos and honoring the Torah this has the greatest impact on them. Thus, we bless the child that he should have Torah and marriage and then his children should follow through with this and also have maasim tovim which they learn from their parents.

Grab That Child!

The Binyan Shlomo states that if the rach hanimul, child who was just circumcised, comes from a family that does Torah and mitzvos then people will desire him to be their future son-in-law and try to suggest their daughter for him even before he himself does maasim tovim!

Treating Spouse

My explanation to answer the question is that Rabbi Chaim Vital states that in heaven there is one litmus test. They don’t look at your Torah, mitzvos and treatment of others as much as they look at one thing. The way that one treats his wife shows who he is in the deepest way. On the outside it is easy to treat others with respect. The greatest challenge is who someone is inside the home. Thus, we bless the child that he should grow to Torah and Chupa and that he should be a great husband who shows the best maasim tovim inside his house when spending time with his wife. When a man treats his wife with love and respect he has achieved a great accomplishment.